Wrestling with the use of spiritual gifts and why

 This piece was written over a year ago, and the wrestling match is still not over. :-) Instead I rely on one business to provide the bread and butter with the freedom left to use my tools not to provide in life, but to be as they are when needed. This universe will provide outside of depending on God's pockets in using the tools as needed rather than a need for myself to be provided for.

On the morning of the day my mother would leave this world, my niece went into her bedroom at home and brought out a bible and simply stating, “Grandma told me if anything ever happened to her, this bible was to be given to you. She knew you would want it.” Oddly, I had never remembered requesting a bible be left to me, nor am I one who in earnest has devoted a great deal of time since my early years in studying the bible. I took the bible as the gift given and knowing mom had some greater purpose in doing so. Occasionally I have looked through the pages seeing if she left a note or phrase significant to the reason, as of yet none have been found in her writing. My grandmother carried the bible her adult life as well, with grandma’s notes from a century ago on the pages. 

Personally an internal wrestling match has been going on inside of myself for many years in relation to using the tool of healing and taking any kind of reciprocation in doing so. In my own mind, I would always be taken back to a day when I was nine. My mother one afternoon went to have coffee with her friend Martha. Martha and mom were life friends, much like sisters although they never seemed to actually share the same views between them, both always vocal in expressing how each other was incorrect and yet loving each other as family. On that particular afternoon so many years ago, we arrived to see the screen door on Martha’s house was broken. One of the kids had made a direct hit on the glass and now the door to Martha was seen as needing to be replaced. Martha stated she would pray for a new door and my mother immediately seemed to change the shade of her face to a more pinkish color and with her lips pursed stated “Martha! You do not pray for material favors such as your door!” Immediately following it was “time to leave” quickly. On the walk home, my mother was still carrying on about such a request being non-Christian. From that day on, my thoughts on how prayer was used, has found hesitation in being reciprocated for gifts, which I had not paid for. Spiritual or otherwise.

 

I have seen miracles happen, when my tools are used and prayers answered in a heartbeat at just the right moment. At this point in life, I would prefer to have nine chances at life as the phrase is mentioned towards cats, knowing many times I have been spared from harm’s way or another has who I love. I have been told by this universe, money is only energy un-separated in the scheme of life. It is when we separate money from universal energy, significant changes can occur in our own progression of life. However, I have always been looking for a more substantial definition between having tools/gifts and accepting the energy of money in return. 
 

 

Last Sunday, I handed the old bible to my grandson as he prepared to attend church and not having one of his own. When he was done, the bible was left on my desk again. Tonight I unzipped the cover and asked the question again “Mom, why did you leave this with me?” Began to thumb through a back section of the book and came upon a section entitled “Spiritual Gifts.” 

 

The writing was referenced from I Cor: 12:4. 

 

Now there are diversities of gifts but the same spirit.

This phrase sounded like rehearing what I had already been told and not accepting. One energy/gift/flow without separation.

The writing was referenced from Cor.12:7-10.

 

But to each one is given the manifestation of the spirit to profit withal. For to one is given through the spirit of the word of wisdom; and to another the word of knowledge, according to the same spirit; to another faith in the same spirit and to another healing, in the one spirit ; and to another workings of miracles; and to another prophecy; and to another discerning or spirits; to another diverse kinds of tongues and to another the interpretation of tongues. 

 

Going on to say gifts are to be coveted and put into use, not neglected. For all the searching I have done in regard to the answer in using tools/gifts in reciprocation for a means of living and being able to use the gifts which has given, my thoughts have only accomplished to disrupt the flow rather than enhance the flow of my own life. 

 

I know what my tools/gifts are and how to use what has been given in optimal ways of service. I have seen miracles, which I term, as impossibilities being seen as possible many times over. I will no longer choose to interrupt the universal flow, which I am a part of. My well-being is not secondary to allowing the receipt of being that which I am most passionate about in my life. Maybe just an answered question, a relief of doubt or just maybe – the reason mom put this book in my hands with a knowing the “answer” was already there. I am the cycle/uninterrupted. 
 

Namaste’