When the running dream ended

Many times, I have what I refer to as running dreams. In the dreams, I can run anywhere and everywhere I choose effortlessly regardless of obstacles and distance. At the same time when I dream, I am also the observer in the dream. Another pair of eyes and thoughts following the sequence of the dream.

Last night the dream centered on my choice to "run" to the bank for ATM use before I needed to be at work. I arrived at the bank only to find out the ATM would not be available until the top of the hour, the same time I should be at work. As I ran through a series of thoughts surrounded by waiting, leaving, calling for a ride, etc., slowly a group of people joined me in the waiting process. One of the last was a teenage boy determined to use the ATM first as he quietly would maneuver his way around the others. Still my mind was racing and wondering which step should be next, with at the same time trying to stay focused with intent of using the ATM first regardless.

The time came – ATM was now available and in jumped the young teenager ready to use it. I quickly knocked him out of the way and took the place I had waited for. Putting the card in all I noticed was my card looking rather thin and wavy, though nonetheless I tried twice again. Knowing the third time potentially could be my last try – I needed to make it right. Did I forget my pin? Was the card just in too poor of shape to process? As if the machine was ready to spill out puzzles on my last chance, series of objects would appear. From the objects, I needed to create the correct sequence on the last try. Repeatedly the objects appeared in different types of calculations to be done precisely – or my last chance would end.

With the thought still in the back of my mind of work being later and later, one last time I would try the card. I pulled the card to insert into the ATM and swiping a glance I could see my "card", was a slim piece of paper with only a picture on the front. How did I not notice this before? A man and woman who also had been waiting, for some reason I reached into my pocket and pulled a CD out and handed it to the man. Looking at the CD as it was passed, I could see a title being Cripple Creek Halloween and in the bottom left corner "Spiritual" was written at an angle. All I could think of was "where did that come from and who are they?" The man looked at the CD and said "Spiritual! Thanks!." With being firmly aware my card was not with me, I started the run back home. Only being blocks away, I still wondered why those who know where I was – chose not to come and provide an easy ride home and possibly saved me from being any later to work?

As I was running back, a young boy on the sidewalk was carrying a baby on his hip, with at the same time doing his best to keep up the pace. I didn't know this child, so why was he there?

 

So I asked, "What are you doing trying to keep up with a baby on your hip?"

"I am just trying to do the right thing that is all."

"Hand me the baby, I will run with the baby and lighten the load."

He just handed the baby to me and as I started running again, he was now walking with a toddler. A little girl with shoes on her feet, which were dress shoes for an adult, carefully taking each step to keep the shoes on without falling. As I started running on with the baby, I now had another young girl approximately the same age as the boy, on the sidewalk to my right. The little one I had in my arms was far less than happy. I looked at her – she was unkempt, unhappy and really did not desire to be carried like a package, which had to be carried rather than wanting to be carried. Where was the boy now, when I see him – I will return this child to him as well?

As if between strides, a hand touched the back of my left shoulder and all I could do was sit down. The run was over and I was rather unsure of why. Then my observer side merged into the runner side – a feeling that left me feeling maybe this was the end of my run? In what terms? Finishing a run? Death? Why is the run stopping? And with that, pieces started coming together.

Running is what I do – not physically anymore – though the constant busy mind, always trying to push further, does more – achieve against odds, etc. I had allowed life to become such an unnecessary urgency in living – stopping was a fear. The face of money had became equated with monetary substance instead of looking into the face of a force much greater than what I could provide for. The puzzles and quizzes of the mind thought necessary in attainment of a monetary state, were faceless and unnecessary as well.

The boy carrying a baby on his hip trying to catch up, or at the very least stay present was really the children in my own life trying to get my attention – yet with a pureness in just trying to "do the right thing, that is all." An un-kept baby – innocence of trust and faith, knowing when the ride is comfortable and when the pace is unsettling – the babe knew this, I tend to forget and times to tend to this part of myself. Young girl in shoes, which were to big? I remember those days, never taking time to grow up – just rushing to be free of being a child. She showed me the baby steps are careful steps. Another girl running alongside – that is more like myself, I am known to go so deep into my thoughts, the world around myself could evaporate and I would survive – or would I. When I stopped completely in my tracks – I felt open and vulnerable to the existence without the race; just for a while, I found fear in the stop – then I found all I had been racing too and against, was with me now – when the race was over. This universe has been telling me for many years I would not find what I seek in the race – it is when I choose to be still, they will be there as well. Might be hanging up my running dreams, and letting a new dream emerge. My choice and my time.