The Love/Loss and Love again of (Canine) Friends

The Love/Loss and Love again of (Canine) Friends



Brenna



Forbes



During the winter of 2006, I lost two dogs I dearly loved. One, a six year old black Pudel Pointer we named Brenna and one, being a St. Bernard/Australian Sheppard mix known as Forbes. Brenna, on December 16, right before Christmas and Forbes on January 17, just as the new-year was being ushered in as 2007.


Brenna, being a runner whenever she found the chance, one afternoon broke free while my son was taking her out to be on her tethered run. As a rule, she always ran for about six minutes and returned. On this afternoon, she took her run in the later afternoon as the school busses were dropping off children. Brenna sighted a bus and watched it pass – then ran like lightening and placed her body under the rear wheel of a bus she was losing the pace of catching up to. Essentially, Brenna committed suicide – though as I hope this story will show, it was an act of love for Forbes.


Forbes, being 14 and the older of the two – he had became a life companion of Brenna from the day we took him to a local pet store on a Saturday when Brenna was a pup, allowing Forbes to select his new companion. Brenna, eight months old and quiet in her pen – became Forbes choice. Brenna, as we would learn later, had been born in a puppy mill in the Ozarks. As pups, Brenna and her brother escaped the puppy mill, by the grace of God – found their way almost 200 miles to the outskirts of Kansas City, and were rescued.


Ironically, both Brenna and her brother found their way into the hearts and homes of two families in the same town. Brenna, when adopted knew nothing in life outside of kennels and being confined. Forbes took her under his wing and they became inseparable. In the years before Forbes became weaker and eventually sick, when Brenna would take her runs, he would jet right behind her – even one on a winters eve during a blizzard. Brenna, well aware Forbes was sick, also knew Forbes would not willingly leave his companion behind, even to leave this world. Brenna, after removing herself from our world – Forbes in his last days seems to finally relax into death. A few days before Forbes left us, my daughter pulled her car into the drive one afternoon, and Forbes met her jumping like a pup and full of life. In reality, the last year of his life he was unable to climb a step unassisted. I knew his time was near. On the night of January 17, 2007 – Forbes curled up on his bed and went to sleep for the last time in our world. I had never loved a dog in my life, as I loved Forbes during the years after he entered my life. I could call him silently in my mind and have him come to me, without any words being emitted. When he wanted energy work, he would lie down near my hands and relax and I knew he was ready for the energy. He was a prince in the form of canine. The morning after he died, my son and I took him to the vet’s office for the last time, to be left for cremation. I hugged him and held him, smelt him with the intent to never forget the last goodbye, and I never will.


A week after Forbes died; I was awoken from my sleep by the sound of the dogs barking on the back porch. I got up and started for the stairs as I had done in the past – trying to quiet their barks, and then I remembered they would not be there as they had before. They had made a visit in a way I would remember and a message - though gone from the physical, each was still present and together again.



During the next few months after the deaths of Brenna and Forbes, I could not even mention their names without falling apart all over again. I piece of my heart had been separated in a way I never felt before in the love of an animal. They touched my heart and soul forever. As spring began to come alive, my son started asking about another dog becoming part of my life. I was not interested, though he persisted. Searching for pups to rescue, he found a litter of White Poodle/Pyrenees pups 200 miles from home, needing families. “Just look at them mom” as the photos were blazoned across his computer screen. How could you resist the faces of babies, white fur balls with energy to spare for long happy lives? I relented, as he made phone calls and arrangements to travel the journey for a pup. Saturday would be the day to bring home the pup. I could feel the excitement building, even though I was hesitant. Then the phone call came, the pups had been vaccinated with a bad dosage and all had died. This trip would not take place.


Compiling my resistance with grief, I took this as a sign – another dog was not meant to be. My son was on a mission to find me a pup for Mother’s Day and after feeling his own grief for the pups, he returned to looking for just the right pup. Find a rescue owned by a local vet 30 miles away, he spotted a picture of another Pyrenees mix, this time a Retriever mix, which had been dubbed “Popcorn” due to the speckles of gold on his white nose. Again, I had to decide on seeing this pup. He was cute! However, was cute enough to find that space in the heart, which still felt wounded from losing the other two such a short time ago. The answer for myself was no, the answer for my son – maybe. Would it hurt to just look at the pup??


Two days later, off we went to the rescue. Large as it was, “Popcorn” was not hard to find in the crowd. More so than just a rescue, this was predominantly a Pit bull rescue, with the changes made to local laws, many Pit bulls owners were no longer able to meet the codes – dozens of lost family mates now crowed a section of the outer parameters of the rescue in Pit bulls. As I looked at the group of Pits, friendly as all others in the rescue yet separated due to breed as enemies of the state. Definitely creating a new awareness of the breed, I myself had always judged as brutal. Brutal, was not the appearance of the group – hungry for a home just as their companion canines on the grounds of many breeds were also. Getting back on task, and by this time my son was already being acquainted with “Popcorn.” Now it was my turn to address this potential four legged begging as the others for a new home.


Catching his attention, I called out to him “Popcorn!” (Three times over without a response.) I thought, this is not his name or the name he wishes to be known by! Looking into his eyes, my only thought was “What is your name?” The immediate response I received was “Comet!” I called out to him as Comet, once – and he came running! We might just have another exceptional one here after all.  Though my heart guard was still firmly in place, after all – my son would fill in the gaps in loving him that I was assured of. Comet was adopted that day and became a part of our family. Technically my companion, more than once I offered him to my son, grandson and yet he kept creeping closer and closer into my guarded heart. I would find him resting at my feet, sitting by my chair and patiently persisting without being prompted. “What was this dog thinking!” I had not changed my mind, though slowly he was changing my heart. I would push away and he would come closer, he was now on a mission of his own and would not be distracted by the guard on my heart. At the same time, this lanky eight-month-old pup was turning into one of the most beautiful dogs I had seen, along with nuzzling into my world. I had not forgotten Brenna and Forbes, though I was finding the additional space for Comet and so he took hold of me. During the last year, I moved from my house to an apartment temporarily and could not see him boxed in without a yard, so I fostered him out to a friend. In agreeing to keep, him she made is clear “I will take good care of him, but I do not plan on loving him!” Fair enough, great care would see us both through.


I would provide for all his needs, both physically and loving him, she would provide shelter and see that he was fed and comfortable. Her heart guard was firmly in place after having recently lost her little Chihuahua of 9 years. No expectations, just an agreement we both understood. Comet once again melted her heart, helped her through depression over losing her little one compiled with health problems, and gave her a reason to wake in the morning. Patient and kind, he would lay his head on her lap and let her know he loved her. Just providing daily food evolved into “fixing” dinner for the two of them and hearing of his favorite snacks and antics while visiting. After a few months, visiting him one day, he went over and laid his head on her lap and as she stroked his big head she bent down and gave him a kiss and said “I love you too Comet!” Another heart guard had been dissipated.


Yesterday, I received a call from her daughter – Mom was in the hospital with multiple blood clots, you need to pick up Comet, she might not be coming home. I started planning on picking Comet up this morning and bringing him home, after spending my night doing energy work on my friend. Arriving to pick him up, nobody was at the house. Comet could see me through the door and lay down and cried on the other side since I could not come through the door. Waiting for over an hour, I wondered how the signals could have been so crossed in Comet being available for pickup. I made calls, texted her daughter and still no answer. Tonight, I received another cal from her daughter, informing me, Mom had surgery, and it looked like she might be alright. Could they hold Comet for a few days until a clearer prognosis was made on her coming home. She said that if Mom came home and Comet was gone – only to be greeted by an empty house again, the shock could be devastating. I have agreed to wait out the few days in seeing if my friend will return home. If she does, Comet will remain for a time of more healing – though when spring comes alive again as it did when he came home, Comet will return once again to my home. A healer, joy, blessing, and love found in life when Love/Loss and Love again enters a life by way of a canine family member.