Give me 5 minutes of your inconvenience

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Give me 5 minutes of your inconvenience –

                                         The saga of aging parents

Over the last many months of 2010, reading numerous discussions on sites I frequent of the inconvenience of aging parents, anticipated lengthening of lifespan, bothersome family meetings, and decisions, which occupy time that could be spent doing more productive and active participation in their lives of grown children now burdened with the responsibility of “dealing” with their parents. Decisions, unwanted confusion in their lives, worrying about where they will live, who will be responsible for tending to their needs, hazards of continued driving and the dependency, which leaves the adult child feeling strapped and bound by the parent. 

EXCUSE ME, unless you came into this world, providing your own roof over your head, taking full responsibility in providing what you ate, keeping yourself clean and never gave a moments anguish in how you drove early in life and was potty trained at birth - this has already been provided to you in life. By a person known as your parent done out of love, who absorbed all pain and exhaustion you caused, then returned this to you in love many times with yourself unaware of the stress you had created. 

The cycle of life, birth and joy, and aging and dying with the caregiver roll returned to one who was given care. Soon enough, this inconvenience will pass from your life to a memory of the parents you “had” to deal with. All memories, no more being told “I love you”, hugging you, telling you of times which they hold the only true memory or reminding you of the beautiful child you were. Soon enough, you might just put your parent/parents in a nursing home – 24 hour walk away relief and back to your real life you have been neglecting. Surely, you were not any cause of neglect in your parents life of fulfilling a passion they might have had, they loved you heart and soul – what more could they have wanted from life. 

This Christmas will be the 29^{th year} I celebrate without my dad, the sixth without my mother – or any parents. Another Christmas, which no longer holds the voice of my parents, a card or a I love you from them. No hug, when they open a gift or the smell of a favorite dish being prepared by them. No deciding if I will visit or see them this Christmas, those choices are gone. No phone calls to my children, nor with their grandchildren/great-grandchildren ever be bothered by their voice or knowing them. Gone, is the wish for those who “deal” with “mom and dad”. Now is the empty space you long for – freedom to ignore as you choose. Only memories, will tie you to your time together, good/bad or forgotten is all that remains now. Go ahead and live your life dealing with your parental burden, soon enough you will be me, is your heart ready to only be of a memory. Is this not your wish? You can not give me your 5 minutes of inconvenience, though you can take 5 minutes and make a memory to last your lifetime if only in hugging this parent who gave you so much and just maybe only wants to hear “I love you!”